We all get beaten down at some point, whether directly or not.  Circumstances happen at work that may have made you collateral damage.  Your friends may have changed because you are not following their lead anymore. Your significant other may feel uncomfortable because you may be asserting some independence.  We all grow and evolve, and that is what I believe to be a part of life.  If we do not evolve, then I fear that time stands still.  Do you notice that sometimes people are on the subliminal condescending side so they feel superior to you?  I can only imagine that we all have been through that at one point or another.  As I fight depression I get up and go to work, write here, play with my photography, write my journal/ebook and study for a financial industry exam, I know that my success is the best revenge.

I do not need to extract vengeance on anyone, even though the list is at least one hundred miles long, no joke.  Sadly, I fear that I am not the only one who feels this way.  Why do I have depression? A number of people in my family have asked that because I am one of the lucky ones that was raised with great parents who did their best to provide emotional, psychological and financial support.  My father especially was the light of my life who showed me how to laugh at myself and not take myself so seriously.  I never felt inferior or unwanted by him, so it does baffle me what my depression trigger was.  That is what therapy is all about and I am a positive work in progress.  One day I will unlock that door or window and find that trigger and vanquish it forever.

Yet even though my depression can be so bad that I am catatonic for a good twenty four hours, in between, I force myself to do the smallest things to get myself going again.  I confess that I do not like this emptiness, but I still try.  It does not help that I get mixed reactions and comments from others, but I have finally accepted that they are who they are and I cannot change that.  I can only work on myself.  So I do my best to gain a fresh perspective on all my goals and start anew.  I am back in school, rededicating myself to this site so that I may talk to you all, restarted my works on pencil sketching and photography, and I am journaling with a concept of an ebook.  I even have someone interested in publishing it once I am finished.  Hopefully that will still be true once I am finished.  I will show you snippets soon.

I have seen what favoritism does to kind people.  Those teacher’s pets can be quite vicious, selfish, greedy and condescending.  I will never understand why, for they got what they wanted, so why can’t they just leave others to their own devices. MYOB I like to say (mind your own business).  Somehow they cannot.  I believe that discretion is the better part of valor and I value trust and that discretion.  Sadly there are too many who love to gossip and judge.  I am thrilled to not be a part of that.  I would rather sit alone in a restaurant (as I have before), that to be associated with nasty gosspers.  That is just how I feel.  My depression is bad enough without anyone’s help.

I have retreated back to my quiet and organized kind of way.  I have my to-do list organized with my projects and their appropriate time and date to work on them.  I am slow but I am moving.  It is also slowing improving on my depression and that makes me glad.  I believe that baby steps are better than no steps at all.

Find your strength, even if it is only a small piece.  Faze out those you are not here to uplift you (I have and still doing it).  Write, write and write, whether it is on your phone, tablet, laptop or desktop.  Just write down anything that makes you smile and can bring you a step closer to your dreams coming to fruition.  I would love to have my photographs sold, so I am trying it, along with my sketches.  It feels nice to be productive.  When I write and read out loud that also helps.  These are steps towards yours and my success.

Success is defined whatever way you want it to be.  For me success is moving forward in my occupation and becoming a full time entrepreneur and not a part time one.  I still want my financial licenses as backup (my plan B as well as my paralegal diploma is).  Success to me is also about having that condominium on the west coast.  I know that I am getting there one step and day at a time, and I accept that.  Every day I am a bit closer to dreams coming true.  My pacific ocean, financial freedom and emotional freedom (saving the best for last).

I stopped paying attention to all these not nice “people” and just concentrate on my projects.  It is surely not easy when they are in your face every day, but I give it my one thousandth best efforts.

So can you!  And I hope that you do!

Concentrate your success, because that is the only one that counts!  Boo-hoo to the rest!

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