How Do You Say Goodnight?

How do you say goodbye? In some circumstances that goodbye and goodnight is final, not until next time. It’s such a difficult emotion to grasp. How do we do it? I cannot find a manual to help me.

We have all suffered losses of various degrees, yet in my opinion they are all the same with regards to sorrow, betrayal, disappointment etc….

For me it’s experiencing so much death. We all have experience and stories about the life and death of a loved one. Each person expresses and channels those emotions differently. 

Ok I’m a limbo gal who is filled with raw emotions that may burst one day like a balloon…ouch! My mind, heart and soul don’t know if I should scream, become mute, rip my skin off to distract my pain or just sit in a corner and cry. 

Am I weak? I just don’t know anymore. This is not the true me. I’m a freebird who lived spontaneously and with vigor. That went up in smoke a long time ago. Then it compounded into an avalanche. My heart is exhausted that sleep is my best remedy. Taking a quiet walk around the grounds of this place helps too (whenever they allow it). 

My brothers in law both said “They’ll never truly leave you, but you must put them in a special place and let them go.” I sat stone faced and couldn’t respond, for I didn’t know how. Me, the one who has a quick whip on words was speechless. They were surprised as well. 

So I must take it on the chin, especially since I can’t leave here until I am better. One of my failings was that I told the doctor about my dreams and visions. I thought it was a good thing to share it, but it made my life worse, huh ๐Ÿ˜”. I didn’t know how to spin it as a positive thing, because to me it was a positive experience that filled me with joy. 

Another therapy session is being organized by the doctor as I type. I think it’ll be easy but who knows….

I only know that saying goodbye or goodnight is a tough thing to do and I am a work in progress.

Will you stay the course with me? 

I’m thankful that Disletti will. She’s kinda cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž 

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